Unspoken Social Rules: Today I want to talk to you about a topic: about being rejected.
When novices practice socializing at the beginning.
The most common problems are approaching anxiety and refusal to strike up a conversation.
Regarding anxiety, this emotion is not negative, it is an opportunity to some extent.
Regarding the mentality handling when opening a conversation, we will talk about it later.
Today I’m going to talk about being rejected
Many people will be very negative and suspicious of themselves after being rejected.
It is because the refusal to strike up a conversation is closely related to your ego.
But the biggest problem for novices to strike up a conversation is: it is often not because they are afraid to speak up, but they don’t know what to say after I go up, how to do it, and how to deal with the situation.
Your inertial thinking of resistance to hitting up
This is just like the first time you give a speech or perform on stage. You will have a fear of unknown situations. Besides, there are many variables in real life. You will not be arranged in advance for the script. Many times you need to test your adaptability. , Especially at night, during nightclub games.
Novices always attribute technical failures to themselves: because they are frustrated, they are not handsome enough, and they are the kind of people who are easily rejected by girls, etc., this kind of thinking will continue to destroy your self-esteem, let Your resistance to hitting up is getting stronger and stronger.
This is the belief that a large part of people formed under the inertial thinking of the past.
In fact, it’s not that complicated to strike up a conversation and be rejected
In fact, it’s not that complicated to strike up a conversation and be rejected. Let’s make an analogy:
Suppose you go to a company for an interview, and the interviewer rejects you. It may be because they already have better employees, or there is no shortage of people at this stage.
However, if you go to many companies for interviews and you are rejected, you have to think about whether your performance in the interview is not good enough. You should appropriately improve your strategy to increase your probability of being accepted.
So in fact, in general, the main reasons for the refusal to strike up a conversation are divided into two parts:
Subjective and objective reasons
Objective reason 1 - unspoken rules of dating
Let’s talk about objective reasons first
Sometimes a girl refuses you, not because she really doesn’t like you, or she shows some rude reactions to you, and it’s not because of your problems.
For example, she failed the exam today, she was in a bad mood, or she came to the aunt and she was grumpy, or her pet was lost, she was very anxious, she was not in the mood to talk to strangers, or she was arguing with her boyfriend, The mood is very unstable, this is possible.
Objective reason 2 - unspoken rules of dating
When she is in a negative mood, it is normal and reasonable not to accept your strike-up and reject you.
Even if she is not in negative emotions, it is possible that she is in a sweet relationship and does not want to be disturbed in a firm relationship.
In this case, it is normal for you to be rejected, because you cannot control everything, and you cannot let the earth follow you.
Subjective reasons 1 - unspoken rules of relationships
However, there are some things you can control. This is the subjective aspect.
For example, your opening method is too aggressive, or the opening method is too firm, because the girl’s little resistance and protective cover, you shrink.
Or you don’t know how to deal with a girl’s protective shield and break her resistance in the first minute.
This part is: your game foundation is not solid enough, not good enough, because your game is very poor and you are rejected. It can also be said that you think you have been rejected because you are not persistent enough.
Subjective reasons 2 - unspoken rules of relationships
Or if your dress is uncut, which makes girls have a low-value stereotype of you, it may be the reason for your rejection. These basic problems will make your probability of rejection very high.
So, if the girl you strike up with is in a good mood at the moment, she is not in any negative emotions, and there are no factors that objectively prevent you, then your failure is entire because you have been continuing. The wrong way is hitting up a conversation.
Correct and effective strike-up strategy
You don’t have a correct and effective strategy for hitting up
Therefore, you have to objectively realize: the reason why you were rejected so that you can grow.
And grow and progress along with your practice
You can better measure and evaluate which situations are within your control and which are outside your control.
Myths about starting a conversation 1
On the other hand, there is another novice myth about hitting up a conversation, that is, you will succeed if you get the girl’s number.
Hit-up is a very advanced way of socializing, it is a kind of street wisdom. If you set your own goal in asking for a number and think that hitting up is a game of asking for numbers, then you will not grow up.
The reason why many men only dare to ask for a number is that they don’t know what to say or do when they go up, or after speaking the established lines and words, they have nothing to say.
In this case, they are afraid that the atmosphere will become embarrassing, so they just leave with one number, and the girls also don’t want to be too embarrassed, and they will give you the number because of their affection.
Myths about starting a conversation 2
And many men think: Wow, I won when I get the number. In fact, they obviously can get more things, such as instant dating, the appointment of the next date, so that you have the better follow-up, etc., but they But just stay at the step of getting the number.
This kind of chatting hasn’t even reached the entry-level.
If you continue to strike up a conversation in this way, you won’t grow up at all, because the numbers that are coming are generally invalid numbers, fake numbers, useless numbers, or after the girls go back, they won’t at all. Bird you.
How to break resistance in the first minute and break her social shield.
why? Because you didn’t do it at all: how to break the first-minute resistance and break her social shield.
You also did not show your personality and make girls attracted to you. For example, you have been doing five-figure addition and subtraction. You obviously can do more things and improve your social skills. You can Do multiplication and division, some more advanced function problems, but you have been doing five-digit addition and subtraction.
In the final exam, you all failed, but you thought it was your own problem. In fact, it was because you had been doing some invalid exercises.
So subjectively speaking, you must set a correct goal, and it is a visible goal, and you need to know when to do the right thing and have a clear social blueprint (the blueprint is your formula for solving the problem).
Unspoken Social Rules: : What is social intuition
In this way, you can objectively analyze your own problems, thereby improving your game, and finally, get good results and get good growth.
In the case of effective social interaction, you can learn this kind of “social intuition” through continuous accumulation.
If you just ask for a number, this is invalid social networking. This is the same as losing a bet and going on a big adventure. Girls will only think that you are courageous, nothing more, and they will not think you are so attractive.
And to a certain extent, this is a very low-value approach. If you can’t do more games after opening, to prevent your value from losing, you will need a number as soon as you go up, which is very LOW. Low-value behavior.
unspoken rules of relationships: So how does social intuition accumulate?
Unspoken Social Rules: So how does social intuition accumulate? Let me give you an example:
For example, today you go to a quiet bar to strike up a conversation and play with them. The girl said: We are talking about things, you will know that they don’t want to be disturbed. This may be true.
However, this may be a way of resisting you, approaching, and the combination does not accept you.
It may be that your approach is too aggressive.
Then, at this time, in the face of resistance, you can continue to insist, use some techniques: such as false time limit, and then further try to crack her protective shield.
Techniques to crack her protective shield
For example, you can say: “Actually, I am waiting for my friend here, but other places are full. When my friend comes, we will move to other places. I will sit here for a while before he comes. Shouldn’t you mind?”
Then the combination accepts you, that’s good, you have this valuable social experience, and you know what to do next time you encounter a similar situation.
Or maybe you go to the club of Bundi, you hit up on the dance floor, the girl dances with you very happy, but her friend is here and wants to take her away.
Then it is not that the target itself does not like you and rejects you, but her friend thinks that you may be a bad person and wants to protect your target.
How to break her friend’s protective shield
Then, at this time, you should deal with her friend’s concerns with Unspoken Social Rules, go up and chat with her friend, break her friend’s protective shield, and let her friend accept you so that you will not let her friend come when you are in the game of your goal. Obstructed.
Of course, you can also change a strategy, let your wingman get her friend, there are many ways, you can continue to try.
But the point is that as long as you solve this problem, you will accumulate a valuable social experience, and when you encounter the same situation next time, you will know what to do.
And when you know what to do, you won’t be afraid of being rejected, because you can already roughly know and calculate the possible results and situations.
How to deal with various social emergencies that may arise
Unspoken Social Rules: Rather than being rejected, I stupidly think: Oh, there is no way, because I am ugly, so I was rejected, and then give up. Obviously, you can try more methods, but you give up.
You have to know that there are some things, you have the right way, and then through hard work, you can control and change.
Such practice will allow you to grow most efficiently.
Through the actual combat video this time, you can also see how I deal with various social emergencies that may arise. Read the original text and you can see this video!
Chinese translation 中文翻译
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