You are currently viewing Unspoken Social Rules: If you don’t understand these, you deserve to be rejected! 不懂这些社交潜规则,活该被拒绝!
unspoken rules of relationships

Unspoken Social Rules: If you don’t understand these, you deserve to be rejected! 不懂这些社交潜规则,活该被拒绝!

Unspoken Social Rules: Today I want to talk to you about a topic: about being rejected.

When novices practice socializing at the beginning.
The most common problems are approaching anxiety and refusal to strike up a conversation.

Regarding anxiety, this emotion is not negative, it is an opportunity to some extent.

Regarding the mentality handling when opening a conversation, we will talk about it later.

Today I’m going to talk about being rejected
Many people will be very negative and suspicious of themselves after being rejected.
It is because the refusal to strike up a conversation is closely related to your ego.

But the biggest problem for novices to strike up a conversation is: it is often not because they are afraid to speak up, but they don’t know what to say after I go up, how to do it, and how to deal with the situation.

Your inertial thinking of resistance to hitting up

This is just like the first time you give a speech or perform on stage. You will have a fear of unknown situations. Besides, there are many variables in real life. You will not be arranged in advance for the script. Many times you need to test your adaptability. , Especially at night, during nightclub games.

Novices always attribute technical failures to themselves: because they are frustrated, they are not handsome enough, and they are the kind of people who are easily rejected by girls, etc., this kind of thinking will continue to destroy your self-esteem, let Your resistance to hitting up is getting stronger and stronger.

This is the belief that a large part of people formed under the inertial thinking of the past.

In fact, it’s not that complicated to strike up a conversation and be rejected

In fact, it’s not that complicated to strike up a conversation and be rejected. Let’s make an analogy:

Suppose you go to a company for an interview, and the interviewer rejects you. It may be because they already have better employees, or there is no shortage of people at this stage.

However, if you go to many companies for interviews and you are rejected, you have to think about whether your performance in the interview is not good enough. You should appropriately improve your strategy to increase your probability of being accepted.

So in fact, in general, the main reasons for the refusal to strike up a conversation are divided into two parts:
Subjective and objective reasons

Objective reason 1 - unspoken rules of dating

Let’s talk about objective reasons first

Sometimes a girl refuses you, not because she really doesn’t like you, or she shows some rude reactions to you, and it’s not because of your problems.

For example, she failed the exam today, she was in a bad mood, or she came to the aunt and she was grumpy, or her pet was lost, she was very anxious, she was not in the mood to talk to strangers, or she was arguing with her boyfriend, The mood is very unstable, this is possible.

Objective reason 2 - unspoken rules of dating

When she is in a negative mood, it is normal and reasonable not to accept your strike-up and reject you.

Even if she is not in negative emotions, it is possible that she is in a sweet relationship and does not want to be disturbed in a firm relationship.

In this case, it is normal for you to be rejected, because you cannot control everything, and you cannot let the earth follow you.

Subjective reasons 1 - unspoken rules of relationships

However, there are some things you can control. This is the subjective aspect.

For example, your opening method is too aggressive, or the opening method is too firm, because the girl’s little resistance and protective cover, you shrink.

Or you don’t know how to deal with a girl’s protective shield and break her resistance in the first minute.

This part is: your game foundation is not solid enough, not good enough, because your game is very poor and you are rejected. It can also be said that you think you have been rejected because you are not persistent enough.

Subjective reasons 2 - unspoken rules of relationships

Or if your dress is uncut, which makes girls have a low-value stereotype of you, it may be the reason for your rejection. These basic problems will make your probability of rejection very high.

So, if the girl you strike up with is in a good mood at the moment, she is not in any negative emotions, and there are no factors that objectively prevent you, then your failure is entire because you have been continuing. The wrong way is hitting up a conversation.

Correct and effective strike-up strategy

You don’t have a correct and effective strategy for hitting up
Therefore, you have to objectively realize: the reason why you were rejected so that you can grow.

And grow and progress along with your practice
You can better measure and evaluate which situations are within your control and which are outside your control.

Myths about starting a conversation 1

On the other hand, there is another novice myth about hitting up a conversation, that is, you will succeed if you get the girl’s number.

Hit-up is a very advanced way of socializing, it is a kind of street wisdom. If you set your own goal in asking for a number and think that hitting up is a game of asking for numbers, then you will not grow up.

The reason why many men only dare to ask for a number is that they don’t know what to say or do when they go up, or after speaking the established lines and words, they have nothing to say.

In this case, they are afraid that the atmosphere will become embarrassing, so they just leave with one number, and the girls also don’t want to be too embarrassed, and they will give you the number because of their affection.

Myths about starting a conversation 2

And many men think: Wow, I won when I get the number. In fact, they obviously can get more things, such as instant dating, the appointment of the next date, so that you have the better follow-up, etc., but they But just stay at the step of getting the number.

This kind of chatting hasn’t even reached the entry-level.

If you continue to strike up a conversation in this way, you won’t grow up at all, because the numbers that are coming are generally invalid numbers, fake numbers, useless numbers, or after the girls go back, they won’t at all. Bird you.

How to break resistance in the first minute and break her social shield.

why? Because you didn’t do it at all: how to break the first-minute resistance and break her social shield.

You also did not show your personality and make girls attracted to you. For example, you have been doing five-figure addition and subtraction. You obviously can do more things and improve your social skills. You can Do multiplication and division, some more advanced function problems, but you have been doing five-digit addition and subtraction.

In the final exam, you all failed, but you thought it was your own problem. In fact, it was because you had been doing some invalid exercises.

So subjectively speaking, you must set a correct goal, and it is a visible goal, and you need to know when to do the right thing and have a clear social blueprint (the blueprint is your formula for solving the problem).

unspoken rules of society

Unspoken Social Rules: : What is social intuition

In this way, you can objectively analyze your own problems, thereby improving your game, and finally, get good results and get good growth.

In the case of effective social interaction, you can learn this kind of “social intuition” through continuous accumulation.

If you just ask for a number, this is invalid social networking. This is the same as losing a bet and going on a big adventure. Girls will only think that you are courageous, nothing more, and they will not think you are so attractive.

And to a certain extent, this is a very low-value approach. If you can’t do more games after opening, to prevent your value from losing, you will need a number as soon as you go up, which is very LOW. Low-value behavior.

unspoken rules of relationships: So how does social intuition accumulate?

Unspoken Social Rules:  So how does social intuition accumulate? Let me give you an example:

For example, today you go to a quiet bar to strike up a conversation and play with them. The girl said: We are talking about things, you will know that they don’t want to be disturbed. This may be true.

However, this may be a way of resisting you, approaching, and the combination does not accept you.

It may be that your approach is too aggressive.

Then, at this time, in the face of resistance, you can continue to insist, use some techniques: such as false time limit, and then further try to crack her protective shield.

Techniques to crack her protective shield

For example, you can say: “Actually, I am waiting for my friend here, but other places are full. When my friend comes, we will move to other places. I will sit here for a while before he comes. Shouldn’t you mind?”

Then the combination accepts you, that’s good, you have this valuable social experience, and you know what to do next time you encounter a similar situation.

Or maybe you go to the club of Bundi, you hit up on the dance floor, the girl dances with you very happy, but her friend is here and wants to take her away.

Then it is not that the target itself does not like you and rejects you, but her friend thinks that you may be a bad person and wants to protect your target.

How to break her friend’s protective shield

Then, at this time, you should deal with her friend’s concerns with Unspoken Social Rules, go up and chat with her friend, break her friend’s protective shield, and let her friend accept you so that you will not let her friend come when you are in the game of your goal. Obstructed.

Of course, you can also change a strategy, let your wingman get her friend, there are many ways, you can continue to try.

But the point is that as long as you solve this problem, you will accumulate a valuable social experience, and when you encounter the same situation next time, you will know what to do.

And when you know what to do, you won’t be afraid of being rejected, because you can already roughly know and calculate the possible results and situations.

How to deal with various social emergencies that may arise

Unspoken Social Rules:  Rather than being rejected, I stupidly think: Oh, there is no way, because I am ugly, so I was rejected, and then give up. Obviously, you can try more methods, but you give up.

You have to know that there are some things, you have the right way, and then through hard work, you can control and change.

Such practice will allow you to grow most efficiently.

Through the actual combat video this time, you can also see how I deal with various social emergencies that may arise. Read the original text and you can see this video!

unspoken rules of dating

Chinese translation 中文翻译

不懂这些社交潜规则,活该被拒绝!


今天想和大家聊一个话题:关于搭讪被拒绝

新手在一开始练习搭讪社交的时候。
最容易遇到的问题就是接近焦虑和搭讪被拒绝。

关于焦虑,这种情绪其实不是负面的,它在某种程度上来讲其是机会。

关于搭讪时打开时候的心态处理,我们以后再讲。

今天主要讲一讲搭讪被拒绝
很多人被拒绝以后会很消极,怀疑自我。
是因为搭讪拒绝和你的ego小我是密切相关的。

但对于新手来说搭讪面临的最大问题是:往往不是因为害怕不敢上去讲话,而是他们不知道,我上去以后该怎么说,该怎么做,以及面对处境时我该如何处理。

这就像你第一次上台演讲、演出一样,你会对未知的状况有一种恐惧的心理,况且现实生活中的变数很多,不会提前给你安排好剧本,很多时候需要考验你的随机应变能力,尤其是在夜晚,夜店game的时候。

而新手总是会把技术上的失败,归结在自己身上:因为自己很挫,自己不够帅,自己就是容易被女生嫌弃的那种人,等等,这种想法会不断摧残你的自尊,让你对搭讪的抵抗越来越强烈。

这是很大一部分人在过去的惯性思维下所形成的信念。

其实搭讪被拒绝并没那么复杂,我们做一个比喻:

假设你去一家公司面试,面试官拒绝你,可能是因为他们已经有了更好的员工,或者这个阶段并不缺人。

但是,如果你去了好多家公司面试,你都被拒绝,你就要思考是不是你面试时表现的不够好,你应该适当的改进你的策略,来提高你被录取的概率。

所以其实总的来讲,搭讪被拒绝的主要原因分为两部分:
主观原因与客观原因


2

我们先来讲讲客观的原因

有时候女生拒绝你,并不是因为真的不喜欢你,或者她对你表现出一些无礼的反应,而这也不是因为你的问题。

比如她今天考试失败了,心情很不好,或者来大姨妈,脾气比较暴躁,再或者她的宠物丢了,很着急,根本没心情和陌生人讲话,再或者她和她的男朋友在吵架,情绪很不稳定,这都有可能。

当她处在一个消极的情绪下,不接受你的搭讪并拒绝你,这也是非常正常合理的。

即使她不处在消极的情绪里,也有可能她正处在一段甜蜜的恋爱中,在一段坚定的关系中不想被打扰。

这种情况下,你被拒绝也非常的正常,因为你不可能掌控所有的事情,你不能让地球跟着你转。

然而有一些事情,你是可以掌控的,这就是主观方面

比如你的打开方式太具有侵略性,或者打开方式太不够坚定,因为女生的一点点抗拒和防护罩,你就退缩了。

再或者你不懂得如何处理女生的防护罩,破除她第一分钟的抵抗。

这一部分就是:你game的基础不够扎实,不够好,因为你的game非常差而导致你被拒绝,也可以说你自认为自己被拒绝了,是因为你不够坚持。

再或者你的打扮不修边幅,让女生对你产生一种低价值的刻板印象,都有可能成为你被拒绝的原因,这些基础问题都会让你被拒绝的概率变得非常高。

所以说,假如你搭讪的女孩,她此刻生心情很好,也不处在任何消极的负面情绪中,也不存在任何客观上阻止你的因素,那么你的失败,就完全是你一直在延续着错误的方法在搭讪。

 

你没有一个正确而有效的搭讪策略
所以,你要客观认识到:你为什么被拒绝的原因,这样才会成长。

而伴随着你的实践成长和进步
你就可以更好的衡量和评估,哪些情况是在你掌控之内的,哪些是在你掌控之外的。


3

另一方面,还有一个新手关于搭讪的迷思,就是认为:要到女生号码就成功了。

搭讪是一种很高级的社交方式,是一种街头智慧,如果你把你自己的目标定格在就要一个号码,认为搭讪是要号码的游戏,那你是不会成长的。

很多男人只敢要号码的原因,是他完全不知道,上去该说什么,做什么,或者说完既定的台词和话术,就没有话讲了。

这种情况下,他们又害怕气氛变得很尴尬,所以只要一个号码就走了,而女生也因为不想弄的太尴尬,也会碍于情面给了你号码。

而很多男人就认为:哇,我要到号码就赢了,其实他们明明可以获得更多的东西,比如即时约会,约好下一次的约会,让你有更好的后续,等等,但他们却仅仅停留在要到号码这一步。

这种搭讪连入门水平都还没到。

如果你一直延续这种方式来搭讪,是根本不会让自己成长的,因为这种要来的号码,一般都是废号,假的号码,没用的号码,或者女生回去之后,根本不会鸟你。

为什么?因为你根本没有做到:怎么破除第一分钟抵抗和破除她的社交防护罩。

你也没有表现出你的个性,让女生被你吸引,举个例子,你一直在做五位数的加减法,你明明可以做更多的东西,提升自己更多的社交技巧,你可以做乘除法,更高级的一些函数题,但你却一直在做五位数加减法。

最后考试的时候都是不及格,你却认为是自身人的问题,实际上是因为你一直在做一些无效的练习。

所以主观来讲,你必须要定一个正确的目标,而且是看得到的目标,并且你要知道,在什么时候做正确的事情,有一个清晰的社交蓝图(蓝图就是你的解题公式)。

这样你才能客观的分析自己的问题,从而改进你的game,并最终获得好的结果,和得到好的成长。

而在有效社交的情况下,通过不断累积才能学习到这种叫做“社交直觉”的东西。

如果你仅仅只是要个号码,这是无效社交,这就跟打赌输了,上去大冒险一样,女生只会觉得你很有勇气,仅此而已,并不会觉得你多么的有魅力。

而且在某种程度来说,这是一种非常低价值的接近方式,如果你不能在打开后,做更多的game,来不让你的价值损失,一上去就要号码,是很LOW的低价值行为。


那么社交直觉是怎么积累的呢?我举个例子:

比如今天你去一个静吧里搭讪,找他们一起玩,女生说:我们在谈事情,你就会知道她们不想被打扰,这也许是真的。

但是,这也许是抗拒你,接近的一种方式,组合不接纳你。

可能是你的接近方式的侵略性太强。

那么这种时候,面对抵抗,你可以继续坚持,用一些技巧:比如假性时间限制,然后进一步尝试破解她的防护罩。

比如你可以说:“其实我是在这等我朋友,但是其他地方都坐满了,等我朋友来了,我们就会转场去其他地方,在他来之前我在这坐一会,你们应该不会介意吧?”

然后组合接纳你了,那很好,你就有了这一次宝贵的社交经验,你就知道下次遇到类似的情况,该怎么做了。

再或者你去蹦迪的夜店,你在舞池搭讪,女生跟你跳舞玩的很开心,但是她朋友来了,要拉她走。

那么这时候并不是目标本身不喜欢你而拒绝你,而是她朋友觉得你可能是坏人,想保护你的目标。

那么这种时候,你应该去处理她的朋友的顾虑,上去和她朋友聊天,破除她朋友的防护罩,让她朋友接纳你,这样你才会在game你目标的时候,不让她朋友来阻扰到。

当然你也可以换一种策略,让你的僚机去搞定她朋友,有许多种方法,你都可以不断的去尝试。

但是重点是,只要你解决了这次的问题,你就积累了一次宝贵的社交经验,当你下次再遇到同样的情况时,你就知道该怎么做了。

而当你知道该怎么做的时候,你就不会害怕被拒绝了,因为你已经能大概知道和计算可能会发生的结果和状况。

而不是被拒绝了,就傻傻的认为:哦,没有办法,因为我丑所以被拒绝,然后放弃,明明你可以尝试更多的方法,但你放弃了。

要知道有一些事情,你有正确的方法,再通过努力是可以掌控的,可以改变的。

这样的实践,才会让你获得最高效地成长。

通过这一次的实战视频,你也可以看到,我如何去应对可能会出现的各种社交突发状况,阅读原文就能看到本期视频了!

Copyright © Chris. Any reproduction or illegal distribution of the content in any form will result in immediate action against the person concerned. For reprinting, please contact the original author Chris for authorization。

Primary Author and Founder of 搭訕大師TV: Chris
Contact Email: 391810458@qq.com

DISCLOSURE: Some of the links here are affiliate links. This means that I may earn a commission at no additional cost if you click through and make a purchase. These commissions help me create free valuable videos like these.
For reprinting, please contact the original author Chris for authorization

版权所有 © 柯李思。 以任何形式复制或非法分发内容的行为,将立即对相关人员采取行动。如需转载,请联系原创作者柯李思获得授权。

搭讪大师TV的主要作者及创始人:柯李思
联系邮箱:391810458@qq.com

披露:这里的一些链接是附属链接。 这意味着如果您点击并进行购买,我可以在不收取额外费用的情况下赚取佣金。 这些佣金帮助我创建了这样的免费有价值的内容。
转载请联系原作者Chris获取授权

原创Original:不懂这些社交潜规则,活该被拒绝!

Leave a Reply